Natural Glitter From Your Own AMAZING Life

My boyfriend is currently studying for his adult-career certification exam he is taking this week and for the first time in I can’t really recall, I’m home! Alone! Not at work! Without him!

This happens so rarely that at first it feels like a fucking party–I’M GOING TO EAT HALF A BOX OF SPAGHETTI BECAUSE HE CAN’T TELL ME TO WATCH MY HEALTH AND COOK ME FANCY THINGS! I’LL MAKE A MESS ALL OVER MY FACE! LAY NAKED AND SCRATCH MY CROTCH WITHOUT ABANDON! WATCH LEGALLY BLONDE ON NETFLIX!

But, oddly enough, after the 1.5 hour party of childishly eating whatever I want and watching mind numbing TV shows (side-eye Chelsea on Netflix), I miss him.

After said exam he’s going on a family vacation to Mexico City. Apart from being extremely jealous because *we* talked about going to Oaxaca together this year, I’m rather worried. I read an article that Mexico has had record breaking violence this year–over two thousand murders, which is insane considering that record was last broken in 1992. Needless to say, I’ve told him umpteenth times the following schpeel:

“You’re downloading WhatsApp, I’m getting every number of your family members, I need your FULL itinerary, all of the phone numbers to your hotels and daily activities, a brief translation of ‘Has my boyfriend been kidnapped’ to relay to the hotel staff just in case they don’t know what the fuck I’m freaking out about…”

Cue the part where he laughs and then tells me during a scuffle the next day, “IN TEN DAYS I’M GETTING KIDNAPPED, BE NICE TO ME!”

*

I love my boyfriend. A lot. I don’t get to say it because it sounds so fucking corny, but he is literally my world. We do literally everything together: on Saturday we Matinee & Buffet-ed, Thursday we went to burlesque, Tuesday we wandered around Winn Dixie contemplating if we should get the pints of ice cream that have 200 calories for the whole thing or the box of off-brand Oreos to soak in our new oat milk we’d made (read: he made. He soaks oats, people. He’s a fucking champ).

Our relationship is funny because our anniversary isn’t REALLY an anniversary–after reconnecting after a rocket-explosion-level-fail of our initial encounter, from the first day he spent the night in my extra-long twin bed we both low-key threw our panties out to the Chicago wind saying HEY Y’ALL, WE’RE GETTING MARRIED ONE DAY. We both actively believe/knew from the moment we saw each other again that it was a forever (or for-longer) kind of deal. Which is beautiful and terrifying and somewhat claustrophobic-like because I’m sort of a twat and I do a lot of gross shit when I’m alone, like eat spaghetti in my underwear watching Masterchef.

So, instead of celebrating whatever-we-have-decided-our-anniversary-is this year, I had the bright idea of our new anniversary being August 1st, which is when we moved to New Orleans last year. And because I’m basically a fountain of adorable, I have made it a goal that to not bite my fingers off while he’s in Mexico I’m going to do two things: a) write a screenplay about this ordinary yet most-amazing-day-I’ve-had-in-months I had with him and b) make him a scrapbook of our first year living together. *Cue sobs and kitties purring*

Sometimes we’re so adorable I want a TV crew to come in our home and capture our adorableness. I would also like a TV crew to come in and capture all of our stupid fights, like how last night after I said “I watched things like this when I was 19” about a Netflix documentary he got vehemently annoyed and told me to turn off the movie because he didn’t want to channel his new-age bougie girlfriend at age 19.  What an asshole.

Point being, I don’t think people in relationships get enough opportunities to say Hey, My Life Is Pretty Amazing Most Days. We get lots of opportunities to talk shit or say what we don’t have and what we wish we did, but we don’t even think it’s valuable to say I Go And Play With Kittens With My Boyfriend And For That I Want Him To Be Mine Forever.

In short, if you’re super in love and happy and thankful and fulfilled out there but don’t want to shit on your single friends, remember it’s all natural glitter from your own amazing life. It’s yours, breathe it all in.

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2 thoughts on “Natural Glitter From Your Own AMAZING Life

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